The Gift of Gab
by crematosis
Summary: Thor believes most of Loki's problems stem from his loneliness. So, if he drags Tony to Asgard to give Loki love and cuddles, surely all will be right with the world.


A/N: My first time writing Loki/Tony. The prompt just looked too funny to pass up. So, constructive criticism would be helpful.

Disclaimer: I have a Loki shirt? Does that count? No? Well, okay.

In retrospect, Tony should have been a little suspicious of the fact that Thor suddenly wanted to meet with him in private on the roof of the Tower. But at the time, it seemed like a perfectly harmless request. And if Thor wanted a private conversation with him, the roof of the Tower was the perfect place.

As it turned out, it was also a great place for Thor to grab him and fly off.

"Jarvis!" Tony shouted. "Thor's gone crazy and-"

Oh, wait. He wasn't wearing his armor. Fuck.

"Just my luck," Tony muttered. He should have known better. The Avengers hadn't had a major incident in weeks. And now Thor was under mind control or something.

Thor chuckled. "Fear not, friend. I am in my right mind."

"Then why the hell are you kidnapping me?"

"You will be the perfect gift for my brother's birthday."

Tony started struggling, ignoring the fact that they were over the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. "What the fuck? You're going to sacrifice me to your crazy-ass brother? I'm sorry if I ate the last of the Pop-tarts, but you don't need to give me to Loki, really."

"He will not harm you," Thor said. "You are meant only to keep him company while he endures his punishment."

"He threw me out of a fucking window. I'd say he deserves a little punishment. Now, put me down right now."

"We will be there shortly," Thor said. He lifted his hammer high above his head. Lightning flashed around them and then suddenly they were in the middle of a great, glittering hall.

"What the hell just happened?"

"We have taken the secret way into the palace," Thor said cheerfully. "Welcome to Asgard, by the way."

"Yeah, it's great. Can I go back home now?"

"Brother!" Thor shouted. "I have brought you the Man of Iron."

There was no response.

"Must not be home," Tony said.

"He's always home," Thor said. "Perhaps he is down in the library."

Tony sighed as Thor descended the stairs, humming happily to himself. "Thor, buddy. I understand that your brother might be a little hard to shop for, but people don't really make good birthday presents. And there's the whole consent thing. I don't want to be Loki's prisoner and I'm sure Loki doesn't want-"

"Nonsense," Thor said. "Loki will be happy to have you here. He has long ached for an intellectual equal and you are sure to be the perfect companion to alleviate his boredom."

"Yeah, that's me. Endlessly entertaining. But, really, Thor, I don't want to be stuck here forever. I have a life back on Earth. And the Avengers need us."

Thor shifted Tony in his arms and peered between the rows of books. "Brother, the Man of Iron is here for a visit. And I think I understand now why you fancy him. He is so small and huggable when he is out of his armor."

Okay, he had to be dreaming. Because this was, this was...Loki fancied him? Nope, no way in hell.

Loki suddenly materialized in front of them."Thor, you great oaf. Why did you bring him here?" he hissed. "Your mortal friends have no place in Asgard."

"Holy shit, you are here," Tony said. "I thought you'd be down in the dungeons or something."

"Taking into account the way I helped my foolish brother against the Dark Elves, my sentence has been altered. I may now walk freely around all of Asgard, but I cannot leave the planet." Loki rolled up his sleeves to show off the bright golden bangles. "I think I might have preferred the prison."

"Don't be that way, brother. You will be in better spirits now that you have a companion." He eased Tony to the ground and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "The two of you should get along marvelously."

"I don't want this stupid mortal's companionship," Loki sneered. "I detest all of your mortal friends, and especially this one. I would not have him in my presence even if he was the last person in the entire universe."

Thor frowned. "That's not what you said the other day, brother. You said that the Man of Iron was the only human you could ever tolerate."

"I said no such thing," Loki hissed.

Tony could see the dawning panic in Loki's eyes.

Ohoho. This was going to be entertaining.

Tony tried for a deliberately casual tone."So, Loki's mentioned me, has he?"

Thor nodded. "He speaks of you often."

"Ooh, what else has he been saying?"

"Nothing," Loki said a little too quickly. "Absolutely nothing."

"Nothing but good things," Thor said cheerfully.

Loki gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut. "Not another word, Thor. Not another word."

"But, brother, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You haven't made a single comment threatening our friend's life or his planet. I think he can feel safe with you."

"An oversight I can easily remedy," Loki muttered. His gaze swept over Tony and then skittered away.

Thor smiled. "You two really are so suited for each other. You are both so wonderfully witty. And, perhaps with friend Tony's influence, you can use your clever mind for good instead of evil. I've already seen a great change in your behavior these last few months. If you continue to improve, perhaps I can petition Father to lessen your punishment further."

Loki's eyes went wide. "You were going to tell Father? Thor, you insufferable idiot. Why don't you just kill me? It'd be far kinder. And get him out of here. I don't want his 'influence' over me. You meddlesome moron. You just have to ruin everything for me, don't you?"

"Nothing to fear, friend," Thor said quietly, his hands tightening on Tony's shoulders. "The mood will pass."

Tony rolled his eyes. As if he was even going to think of running away now. Oh no, he was going to stay and watch the whole thing play out.

"Silence, Thor," Loki snapped. "You know nothing of which you speak."

"Brother, I only wish you to be happy with the man you love. If I tell Father, surely he will allow you to visit him on Midgard."

"I don't love him," Loki said sullenly, looking deliberately away from them. "He's interesting as far as mortals go, but I don't love him. Stupid pitiful little mortal and their pathetically short lifespans. How can you love something that doesn't last?"

"Then why have you been drawing little hearts in all of your spell books?"

"Out, Thor," Loki commanded.

"But, Loki-"

"Out!" He pointed towards the door, his eyes flashing with anger. "You've done quite enough damage for one day."

Thor bowed his head. "Very well. Friend Tony, I leave you in the care of my brother. I am sure he will take great care of you, as he does with all his most cherished possessions."

Loki cursed and threw a book at Thor, which he avoided by closing the door firmly behind him.

"Stupid oaf," Loki growled. "Mindless imbecile. Insufferable fool." He threw a hand out and the shelves of books tumbled down like dominoes. Loki kicked at the pile of books. "I'll kill him for this," he vowed. And for the next fifteen minutes, Loki went through a whole list of increasingly violent and painful ways he could kill Thor.

But then Loki's anger ran its course and his shoulders slumped. "So," he said. "I suppose it would be too much to ask that you didn't believe a word he said."

"Oh, I believe every word," Tony said cheerfully."Your brother has always been one for blunt honesty."

Loki sighed heavily. "And I suppose you and the rest of your mortal friends will tease me mercilessly for the rest of your lives and make a mockery of my reputation forever."

"And why would I do that? Because you think I'm hot? Pfft, that just shows you have good taste. I'm not so sure about the little hearts though. That's kind of high school. Please tell me you didn't write 'Tony and Loki forever' inside them. Because that would be so much worse."

"Of course not," Loki said indignantly. "I wanted to keep it a secret." His shoulders slumped again. "But I'm sure if my idiot brother knows, I haven't been very discreet. All of Asgard must know by now. And they're all probably laughing at me behind my back."

"Let 'em laugh," Tony said. "They're just jealous."

Loki snorted. "Your humility really is your best feature."

"Yours, too, I imagine. I bet the ladies line up for you. And the men."

"You'd be wrong," Loki said. "I am not exactly well-loved in Asgard. It's been...awhile since I've had a lover."

"How long are we talking here? A couple months?" It was understandable that no one really wanted anything to do with him after the whole trying to murder Thor and take the throne/have the chitauri take over the Earth plots.

Loki looked away. "Seven hundred years."

"Holy shit," Tony said. "You need to get laid."

"Yes, thank you for that brilliant grasp of the obvious," Loki snapped.

"What the hell happened?"

"He was an Italian nobleman," Loki said stiffly. "I stayed with him a few years and enjoyed life. But then I was old enough that Father insisted that I return to Asgard and learn military arts. Francesco died of the Black Plague in my absence."

"Shit," Tony said. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault that you mortals have such short lifespans. You were never meant to live for very long." Loki sighed heavily. "That's why I've decided not to get involved with mortals anymore. Too much heartache."

"And the people of Asgard wouldn't be caught dead in your bed, right?"

Loki's eyes narrowed. "If you must put it that way, yes."

"So, the way I see it, you can either mope around for the next thousand years or we can start fucking."

"You?" Loki said with a disdainful snort.

"Yep. It's not every day that I get to sleep with a god."

Loki's eyes darkened. "A god? Is that really how you see me?"

"Isn't that how you see yourself?"

Loki's eyes flashed. "Kneel."

Tony knelt.

Loki walked in a slow circle around him, his quick eyes examining him from every angle. Tony did his best to meet his gaze, keeping his expression calm.

"Very good," Loki said at last. "I accept your offer."

The kiss that followed was a little more violent that Tony was used to because well, it was Loki, and also because the poor boy hadn't had any action in seven hundred years and he was probably a little out of practice. It was still hard for Tony to wrap his head around that part. Seven months seemed like a long time without sex, he could only imagine what all those years must have felt like. Suddenly Loki's rampage on Earth made a lot more sense.

Their coupling was just as messy and frantic, but at least it wasn't as painful as Tony expected.

And Loki recovered much faster than he did. He was already on his feet, adjusting his clothes while Tony was still trying to catch his breath. Loki's eyes darted around the room. "We can't linger in the library," he hissed. "Do I need to find you a bedchamber to recover in or can you manage the journey back home?"

"I'll be fine," Tony said, waving a hand dismissively. "Just give me a minute. Hot damn. Banging a god takes a lot out of you."

Loki smiled, a real genuine smile, bigger than the smirks he had seen on his face with the chitauri. And then he was gone. Thor reappeared a few minutes later to escort Tony back to Earth.

That was the end of that, Tony supposed.

But a month later, Thor appeared in Tony's lab to announce that Loki wanted an audience with him. And Tony eagerly followed him up to the roof to make the journey back to Asgard.

This time, Thor took him up to Loki's bedroom. Now that they were in private, Loki took things a lot more leisurely. He explored his way down Tony's body, watching all of his reactions with great fascination. Loki was surprisingly gentle and careful with his body and for the next five hours, Tony just surrendered and let Loki stroke, fondle, and caress him until he drifted off to sleep for the night in a haze of pleasure.

He woke to a loud knock on the door and Thor's voice calling out, "Brother? Is Tony Stark still with you? We have urgent Avengers business back on Midgard."

Loki sighed as Tony began gathering up his clothes. "How depressing. There are so many things I wished to do with you."

"There's always next time," Tony said.

He knew that was asking for a lot, but when Thor showed up again the following month to escort him back to Asgard, he began to realize that Loki was seriously considering a relationship with him. Considering how Loki had been hurt in the past, it was a pretty big show of trust. Tony was determined to do everything he could to keep Loki happy, for however long he was allowed to.

They spent the next week holed up in Loki's bedroom, leaving only to sneak down to the kitchen late at night or early in the mornings to grab a quick bite to eat.

"Father will be furious if he finds I've brought a mortal into Asgard," Loki confided. "But, really, I will only be following my dear brother's example. For once, I'm not the bad influence."

At the end of the week, Loki handed him a vial of bright red liquid. "Thor mentioned your propensity for long nights in the workshop. This will give you the stamina to work for five continuous days without sleep."

Tony clutched the vial tightly to his chest. "Oh, yes. I am going to use the hell out of this."

The next month, Tony brought Loki a venti-sized espresso.

Loki sniffed at the cup suspiciously. "What is this strange liquid?"

Tony grinned. "It's coffee. Kind of like a real weak version of the stuff you gave me. Sorry, it was the best I could do without magic."

Loki took a sip and wrinkled his nose disdainfully. "It tastes burnt. How is it possible to burn a liquid?"

"Right, let's add a little native flavoring." He steered Loki towards the palace's kitchen.

After Loki added in several spoonfuls of sugar and a few shakes of some spice that made Tony want to sneeze, he was happily sipping his coffee. "Not bad," he said. "Midgardian cuisine leaves a little to be desired, but it's not as bad as I thought. I could probably spend a few weeks on your planet without starving to death."

Tony rolled his eyes. High praise from Loki. "Then you better be a real good boy so they'll let you come visit," he said.

It had been just a throwaway comment. He hadn't really expected Loki to take it seriously. And as the months passed, Tony forgot he had even said it.

But a full year after his fist trip to Asgard, Tony found Loki waiting for him in the palace entrance, dressed in his full armor. Loki flicked his hand, transforming Tony's jeans and tank top into one of his suits. "You won't make a good impression on my father like that," he said. He grimaced. "You probably won't make a good impression anyway. Father hasn't taken too kindly to my having a mortal lover."

"It's to be expected," Thor said. "Father was not too keen on Jane either."

"You told your dad about us?" Tony asked incredulously.

Loki sighed. "I asked to be allowed out for a brief excursion on Midgard. Thor even offered to supervise me on my visit. But he can't fathom why I would possibly want to go back unless I mean to destroy the place. So, that's where you come in."

"Ah."

Thor pushed open the large double doors leading to the throne room and Loki and Tony followed after, hand in hand.

"This is Tony Stark, Father" Thor announced. "Friend and teammate to me and lover to Loki. It is my belief that the bond between them benefits them both."

"Shut up, Thor," Loki hissed. "I don't need your help." He stepped forward, pulling Tony along with him. "Father, this is the man I spoke to you about."

Tony had yet to meet an authority figure he actually respected, but he could pretend real good. For Loki's sake, he would keep his sarcastic comments to himself.

"A pleasure to meet you," Tony said. "And a honor to be here."

Odin waved a hand dismissively. "You convince me of nothing. My son is a clever one. What has he promised you in return for your testimony? All the riches in the treasury? Eternal youth?"

"I wouldn't sell out my planet for anything," Tony said. "I'm here because Loki's my boyfriend and I just want to have him over for a visit."

"So, he has bewitched you then. A love potion perhaps."

Tony's mouth dropped open, but Loki spoke up before he could.

"How dare you," Loki said. "Do you really think the only way I could ever find someone to love me is if I forced them? Why would I be standing here, hated by all of Asgard if I could so easily make myself beloved by all?"

Odin shook his head. "You can't possibly speak of love. You have barely met this man."

"We've been seeing each other for the past year," Loki said.

"A year means nothing," Odin said.

"It means everything to Tony," Loki snapped. "By the time you finally come to your senses, he'll be dead."

Odin motioned Thor forward. "This is another trick of his, isn't it?"

"No, Father," Thor said. "Loki will not harm the people of Midgard. He's gotten to appreciate their culture. Even the most mundane things are fascinating to him. I have even seen him examining an advertisement from the undergarment company friend Tony is fond of."

"You idiot!" Loki shouted. "I swore you to secrecy."

Tony stifled a snort. So that's where his Andrew Christian catalog had gotten off to.

"Apologies, brother," Thor said with a shrug of his massive shoulders. "I just thought it might help your cause."

Loki squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Idiots," he muttered. "I'm surrounded by idiots."

Odin looked thoughtful. "So, you really do love this mortal man?"

Loki held his head high. "Yes, I do. And he freely loves me in return."

Odin nodded and focused his gaze on Tony. "And you will take responsibility for all of his actions on your planet?"

"Absolutely."

"And you'll keep him out of trouble?"

"Well, I can't guarantee anything. Superheroing is a dangerous business, you know. Never know when a supervillain will decide to attack."

Loki elbowed him and gave him a pointed look.

"Oh, I mean, yes, I'll definitely keep him out of trouble. No battles, no confrontations. None of that stuff. Nobody will even know he's there."

Odin sighed. "Very well. Loki, I grant you a week on Midgard to spend with this mortal of yours. And with any luck, we will all live long enough to regret this decision."

Thor beamed. "I am happy for you, brother. I can't wait to share the good news with the team."

Tony winced. As far as he knew, none of the other Avengers knew he was dating Loki. He could only imagine the chaos that would ensue when he brought Loki home.


End file.
